This Isn't fair
by icanhomestuck
Summary: "Just as I thought that things couldn't get any worse; they did." Isabelle's thought process during the demon realm negotiation.


"No, Simon, no!"

I couldn't believe this was happening. The feeling of defiance which came with the willingness to sacrifice everything so that Magnus wouldn't was stripped away, replaced by a cold feeling of dread and despair as I watched him offer up the immortality that saved his life.

He offered it to Asmodeus with such indifference. Saying that he never wanted it, that he didn't ask for any of this in his life. Every one of those words was like a slap in the face reminding me that he had no real connections to this world. A quick pained glance at Clary told me that she felt those slaps with even more intensity, knowing that everything that happened to Simon was directly traced back to her. Of course, he had no real idea of the implications that it really meant to give away that immortality that he so hates. He never quite had the grasp of all the workings of his kind. Forgetting that being a vampire was the only string that kept him tethered to this world. That he was a dead man walking.

I couldn't just let him sacrifice himself. _We_ couldn't just let him die! We protested telling him not to do it, telling him that his heart stopped beating long ago. This surprisingly got the sneer remark of Asmodeus saying that making Simon's heart beat again was child's play for him to accomplish, worry came at the price that must follow the "kind" gesture of the demon. Surly I was right, and as I thought that things couldn't get any worse things did, because things can't just go smoothly. Memories; that was the price to make his heart beat once again. His memories of the shadow world. Of him being a vampire, a daylighter, the Institute, Idris, the mark of Cain, the Downwrworld, magic , demons, angels, Clary, me. Everything down to him being a hero.

And Simon was willing.

I watched as he got swept up and saw the light in his brown eyes as his heart began to beat once more. Then I had to be restrained as he began to scream and his memories began to leave him with the cruel intention to hurt everyone in this room in the worst way possible. He and Clary as kids crossing the street, them growing up, attached to the hip. I saw as his first encounter with Jace was erased, the day he saved us all from the greater demon. I saw in his memories the way he looked at me. As the most precious thing in the world, as someone he loved. I watched as his love for me was stripped away with no remorse and in that moment I knew things would not be okay.

I screamed I kicked, no one was listening! Why did only Clary and I care! Why were Alec and Jace just standing there! Looking up he was in a cloud of smoke behind the mirage of memories being swept away, and as the last of the memories were taken we were whisked away and landed painfully at the foot of the accords hall, with crowds of people at our surrounding.

As soon as we landed I got up and scanned our surroundings searching, hoping, for Simon. Once, twice, three times. He wasn't there; he would never be here again. We lost him forever, and he doesn't even know we exist. He's forgotten that he ever loved me, and he'll never know how much I love him.

I looked over at Clary who was sprawled a couple feet away from me, confused from the recent fall.

"Simon's not here," I said. "He's really gone."

The Dark war was over. The Shadowhunters were saved from 2 evil tyrants. They all came back from their suicide mission alive.

And I still lost everything.

I held back my emotions when Clary curled up on the floor and began to wail. Her screams of pain and loss surpassing my own in a different way. Empathy washed over me as I was dragged away from the cries of my friend that lost her best friend. The person whom she trusted with her life, for he had shared all of it with her. All I could muster was to close my eyes and let the Silent brother take me away. Because under no circumstances would I let my real emotions out in the open for the world to see. I would not stoop down to that level of pity, because if I had lost everything else in this non sequential war, I still had my pride as Isabelle Lightwood.


End file.
